Where was that picture taken?

At a glacier lake in southeastern Iceland.

Why did you start out writing plays?

A series of English teachers convinced me that I wasn't good writing in sentences.

When did you stop?

When I got an interesting job and tried to be respectable. I didn't write anything but code for twenty years.

When did you start writing again?

When fate bounced me on my head twice and I knew that the moment deserved to be recorded.

Should DO THE MATH be used to prepare for any college entrance exam?

No.

Why not?

I made up most of the math.

Were you a math whiz?

Yes, in the first grade.

What went wrong?

Puberty. In the same week, when I was 16, I got an 800 on the Level 2 Math Achievement SAT and a 42 on a trig test. My teacher was cross.

Is DO THE MATH autobiographical?

It was inspired by events, not based upon them. I did not incorporate any innocent victims into the book.

Why did you write SEMELE?

I dated her in college.

Why did you decide to join the first co-ed class at Vassar College?

I got in.

Why did you major in Greek?

I had been told that the Classics Department party the previous year spun so out of control that the police were called.

Were you really that bad a Greek student?

Yes. I didn't translate, I negotiated.

Do you enjoy the writing process?

I do now that I have something to write about. My mom says that you can't write well until you experience trauma. She was unclear whether you had to be on serving or receiving end of it.

Why did you take up the bassoon at 45?

To relax.

Did you?

No. I had not been warned that the instrument was so accoustically challenged. You should have to sign a document of informed consent when you buy one.

What is your favorite art movement?

Neo-modernism.

What's your favorite color?

B flat major.

Why are we here?

God put man on the earth because His arms were full with grocery bags and He had to open the screen door.

Are you happy?

Yes, I am married to an artist and she's smarter than I am. The only thing wrong with her is that she can't seem to understand good writing. She is constantly changing every brilliant thing that I manage to put down on the page. Bitch.